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Ask Jen Anything: Stranded Island

by Jen Polvogt

Welcome back to the second installment of “Ask Jen Anything” (“AJA”), the offseason column series where I directly answer readers’ questions about, well… anything. I’m excited to get right into readers’ questions and give the best answers I can. 

So, without further adieu, let’s get to it!

Stranded island

You are stuck on a desert island with nine other fantasy analysts. Who are you taking with you, and why? – Anonymous

Wow! That’s a loaded question! I’m going to stick to my closest In-Between Media family, in no particular order.

I’d choose my husband, Nate Polvogt. I’m taking him because he’s my best friend, father to my son, he’s hilarious, resourceful and looks good in a bathing suit.

Next, I’m taking the founder of In-Between Media (IBT), Seth Woolcock, because he is young, agile and thinks outside of the box. Along with Seth, because they’re a unit, Seth’s girlfriend and my fellow editor at IBT, Katie Mest, is coming along because she’s hilarious, and the first time we met, we got along immediately. She’s sarcastic and gets my brand of humor. She keeps Seth at his best, similar to how I do with Nate.

The third member of our castaway group would be Conor Coughlin, co-host of IBT’s popular show, “The 19th Hole.” Conor and I go way, way back, and were friends in high school. My prom date and colleague at the former big-box video rental store, Blockbuster. He’s edgy, funny and isn’t afraid to push the envelope. Plus, I think he’d be able to supply us with alcohol on the island – even if he had to get creative.

The Fourth and fifth islanders would be Bo McBrayer and Sven because they would be able to feed all of us. Bo is witty, and Sven is hilarious, willing to speak his mind. Together they can forage our meals.

If I’m getting stranded, it would be a mistake not to take Scott Rinear due to his extensive camping experience and because he was one of the first people I connected with in the fantasy football industry. He’s roughly my same age, so he has the wisdom that comes with age. He’s an outdoorsman who is resourceful, funny and just all-around good company.

Michael Shortt will also need to tag along because he’s a badass retired U.S. Marine who would keep all of us in line and ready for the unexpected. He’s entertaining, hilarious, quick-witted and a great friend.

There are sure to be some late nights around the fire on the island, so I’ll take Dave Stewart as he keeps the laughs coming all night long. He’s insightful, funny and positive. He lightens the mood and can cook. He’s genuine and would be the light of our group.

Last but not least of our stranded cast would be Dan Turner because he makes me laugh and keeps me honest. Plus, he’s a fantastic fantasy football analyst that would always keep the island fair in debates. 

Honestly, I could be stranded with all of the members of my IBT family and many other members of the fantasy football community as they’ve always been supportive and had my back.

Dad Jokes

Does Nate use dad jokes often? If so, do you enjoy them? – Kraig

Nate does use dad jokes often! While I think he’s one of the funniest people on earth, he doesn’t always hit on the dad jokes. I especially enjoy them (even if I don’t think they’re funny) when he’s delivering them to our son, Jackson. To hear Jackson laugh is like hearing an angel sing.

So, as I said, I may not find all of them to be humorous, but when Jackson is laughing, I’m laughing.

“Strange wilderness”

When or at what was the hardest you have ever laughed? – Steve

That’s a great question! I make it a priority to laugh. A lot. It’s one of my favorite things to do, so I seek out funny shows, movies and podcasts, and I enjoy stand-up comedy. One memory that jumps straight to the front of the list is from the film “Strange Wilderness.” 

When the movie was first released, Nate, my brother, Zach, and his then-girlfriend all went to an indie movie theater to see it. The audience was about 50 percent full, and we parked ourselves in the middle of the theater. As most comedies do, the movie has terrible reviews, but “Strange Wilderness” is a gem amongst comedic genius.

The basic plot is that Peter Gaulke (Steve Zahn) has to take over his father’s failing television show, and they go hunting for Big Foot to try to increase the ratings. Other star-studded cast members include Allen Covert, Justin Long, Jonah Hill, Kevin Heffernan, Peter Dante and Harry Hamlin.

The movie is a spoof of documentaries and is so bad that it’s good. One particular scene had all four of us laughing so hard that we almost got kicked out of the theater. People were leaving because we were so disruptive with our loud, joyful laughter (I provided the clip below if you’d like an insight into how childish my sense of humor is).

*Warning:  The following clip contains explicit language*

Other notable times of extensive laughter are any occasion we’re hanging out with my sister, Christina and her husband, Matt. They live in Napa, Calif., so we only get to spend time with them when they’re home for Christmas or special occasions. They were home for Christmas this particular time, and we were all enjoying a glass of Napa Valley wine when a glass got knocked over, and wine spilled all over the couch and floor. 

While feverishly trying to clean it up, another glass got knocked over. While the first spill wasn’t funny, the subsequent spill had us giggling. A third knocked over while cleaning up the second spilled glass, which sent us over the edge. Well, it sent Christina, Matt and me over the edge. Nate did not find the humor in the third spill, making the whole thing even funnier because of how mad Nate got. It was a comedy of errors, and it escalated so quickly. We weren’t even drunk! It was just several unfortunate spills that had us gasping for air.

I’ll be here every six weeks to answer any questions you have and to offer my advice. You can send me a direct message through Twitter or click here to submit your inquiry. I look forward to connecting with all of my readers!

Thanks for reading, and follow me on Twitter for more motherly and fantasy sports advice @JenPolvogt.

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