“Ear to the Ground” is a year-round column from the stylings of Bo McBrayer blending the spice of life with fantasy football advice in the form of a dynasty trade value chart good for the next month. Join him this week as he talks value changes and offers his advice for Weeks 15-18.
It wasn’t funny the first time I watched it.
“Liar Liar” was yet another comedy that poked fun at men who would rather do just about anything except spend time with their kids. Jim Carrey is a brilliant comedic mastermind, and his performance in the 1997 film was fantastic. The wounds were just too fresh for me at 10 years old.
The divorce was as amicable as one can be, but my dad might as well bhave een a sleazy attorney named Fletcher Reede when it came to picking up my sister and me every other Friday. He would say 3:30 pm, but that was often 4:00 pm or even 6:00 pm. He was getting drunk after work, with every empty intention of picking us up… eventually. His buddies leaning against their respective pickup trucks and “shooting the shit” was priority No. 1 on Friday afternoons.
My mom confronted him a few times about this, which meant he picked us up earlier. This only led to us spending hours throwing rocks in Thomes Creek by that store while Dad pounded an 18-pack of Budweiser on the dropped tailgate of his forest green Chevy with Rich the logger and Rod the rancher. We eventually made our way up the hill to his house and stayed there until Sunday afternoon. Sometimes I drove.
A Bit “Magoo”
My wife and I watched “Liar Liar” the other night. We were snuggled up on the couch and laughing hysterically at Carrey’s unmatchable histrionics. I couldn’t remember if we had ever actually watched it together before, so I mentioned that the movie used to make me sad. She nodded in acknowledgment before calling me “Buzz Killington,” and we got back to “THE COLOR OF THE PEN…IS…RRRRRROYAL BLUE!” My cheeks and ribs are still sore from that damned movie.
I no longer resent my dad’s absence from parts of my life. He was there for a lot of things. I don’t believe he ever missed a birthday like Fletcher Reede, and the whole “Two Christmases” part of divorce was pretty sweet. Come to think of it, my dad had a funny routine where he pretended he was a wild boar and snorted as he grabbed our knee pressure points to startle us (not unlike the Claw from the movie).
We still share many interests, like sports and cooking. He has really cut back on his drinking, as a result revealing his true self of awkwardly-funny introverted one-liners. I certainly see him more often now, which isn’t saying much. He is a hearing client of mine, and he loves to send us gifts. We drop by for some sweet tea and barbecue at his house on holidays. His love for my sister and me was never in question. I guess his priorities back in those days just prepared us for when we would grow up and have fewer opportunities to get together.
Play Until the Whistle
The most important part of taking any shot is the follow-through. Always my father’s son, I have struggled with being present for my own daughter at times, but I still relish that my marriage has far outlasted that of my parents.
Despite all the difficulties that inevitably arise from the union of two adults, I have done better than he did. My little girl won’t have to pick dandelions and ride her bike in circles after school, waiting for me to acknowledge her existence. She won’t know how awkward it is to argue with her friends about whose dad is stronger when he is a myth.
I can be messed up, but I refuse to let that affect the people who are counting on me. She certainly won’t ever need to make a birthday wish that I couldn’t lie for a whole day. When she blows out those candles in a couple of weeks, I’ll be there snickering about all her “boyfriends” represented by un-snuffed flames on the cake.
That reminds me that it’s baking season. Time to “shoot the shit” with my little girl about the scientific effects of baking soda and vanilla extract while leaning against the stand mixer and buzzing on homemade eggnog. I only have one chance to help her write her memoirs, and at least she won’t ever be able to write about beating me at “Mario Kart.”
In a really convoluted way, dynasty rosters are like families through generations. No, we can’t trade away creepy Uncle Mark for someone else’s adorable grandma and a future baby who sleeps well. However, we can build an identity that leaves an imprint on our family’s future. We can trade stressors like financial hardships and regretful words for future considerations like a new exciting job next year. Or a trip to the old-timey candy store for saltwater taffy and peanut brittle that saps the rest of your account balance three days before payday.
Drop insecurities and uncertainty to the waiver wire (along with Russell Wilson). Nurture the things we love so that they can blossom into something special (like Kyle Pitts). If you make a promise, consequently do everything in your power to follow through and keep it. There will be plenty of time to lean against the tailgate when the game is over and drink to the memories of picking up your kids for the weekend.
Dynasty Trade Value Chart: Comers, Stayers & Goers
With as many dynasty leagues as I have (26!), it’s as if my life is subsequently running perfectly parallel to the ebbs and flows of the NFL calendar. “Families are always rising and falling in America,” according to Nathaniel Hawthorne. The players I’m trying to flip or keep to build a dynastic championship fantasy team range from rising stars to surprises at their peak.
The ones I am looking to make a trade for, hold or trade away from Weeks 15-18 at each position are noted on a dynasty trade value chart below:
|QB||Deshaun Watson (CLE)||Jared Goff (DET)||Geno Smith (SEA)|
|RB||D’Andre Swift (DET)||Josh Jacobs (LVR)||Joe Mixon (CIN)|
|WR||Jerry Jeudy (DEN)||Jameson Williams (DET)||JuJu Smith-Schuster (KC)|
|TE||Chigoziem Okonkwo (TEN)||Dallas Goedert (PHI)||Evan Engram (JAX)|
My life’s mission is to amplify the flavor and spice in everything I touch. Find all my work on Twitter, @Bo_McBigTime, and check out my huge collection of decadence at BigTime FlavorCo.